an epiphany

I know I have done a lot of complaining since I've been here. 

(This is not another post of that). 

I think I have finally realized what's going on. 

The problem is not Hawaii. It's me. 

I went to see my awesome bishop and after our two hour session we came to the agreement that I have a problem. A big problem. 

He asked me lots of questions. He asked me what I see when I look in the mirror.. I told him acne. 

He asked again. I said love-handles. Although he laughed. He didn't like my answers. I didn't like my answers. 

We decided that I need to do better things to make me feel good about myself. I think everyone have this problem. Especially women. We see the size two girl and think "Wow, I'm so much bigger than her" or "Dang I need to loose weight". And thanks to the world, a size 10 is now considered "plus size". 

Satan has been a lot harder on me this year. Normally he woks pretty hard to make me feel like crap but this year he is on a roll. As you know, many things have happened to me. Moving, marriage, sickness, friend drama, loneliness, depression, the list goes on. All this time I have been blaming it on Hawaii. It seemed normal. 

After meeting with Bishop he told me to forget about the little things and focus on myself. He told me to ignore the friends with drama and be with the ones that make me happy. To ignore the little things Chris forgets to do and focus on how much he does do for me. 

So, Hawaii is not of the devil. It is actually a great and beautiful place to live. An even better place to vacation but I have found things to love out here. When we leave (in December) I will be sad. I'm so grateful I finally found out why I am suppose to be here at this time, in this ward, with this bishop. I love being here with Chris. I love Chris with everything I have. I am so glad we were married in the temple. I'm so grateful for my family. I miss them so much and I'm grateful for an end date. I'm grateful for the family I married into. I have not shown it but I will get better. I am grateful for this church and the plan it has for us. I love this gospel and I love being here. 

Now that I have taken a year to figure out who I am and what I am here to do, I am going to do just that. Be a happy person. Make good long lasting friends, even if I have to move go through a few to find the good ones. Spend time with family and eventually, have one of my own some day. 

That was my epiphany. 

Now on to baking.